Recently because of courtesy of our great Indian Postal Service I have got a letter which was written by a volunteer of a political party to his party high command. This letter consists of some valuable advises on the issue of corruption, hence for the benefit of readers of this blog I am publishing it here. Now don’t ask me stupid questions like who wrote this letter and to which political party letter writer belongs to. As Shakespeare has (rightly)said that what is there in name, because except name everything is common in all the political parties of India, so you can pretend, this letter is written by volunteer of any political party which you (dis)like.
I am your party’s trivial volunteer serving you and your family from many generations. My grandfather was Sarpanch during your grandfather’s time, My father was Corporater during your father’s time and I am serving this party under your realm. I know you are very busy and everyday you get thousands of such letters which you throw directly in the dustbin without even taking care of reading it, but still it is my utmost duty to draw your attention on matter of grave national interest. Hence after forgiving me for using your precious time please take note of following points.
Madam/Sir I have observed that corruption has lot of potential for growth in this country but it requires systematic planning and fullest contribution by all. Hence we should grab the opportunity to become no.1 corrupt country of the world, for this meticulous plan needs to be drawn so that by 2025 we can leave the world behind in the field of corruption. This will be great achievement for our country since in first decade of this millennium we became no.1 in 20-20 and test cricket, in second decade we became no.1 in One day cricket and in third decade we will achieve another landmark by getting first place in corruption and you don’t need to worry about fourth decade since the way in which population of our country is growing we will definitely leave China behind as the most populous country of world.
Sir/Madam to encourage corruption you should declare new national award like Bhrashtachar Ratna, Bhrashtachar Bhushan, Bhrashtachar Vibhushan and Bhrashtashree. Every year people who have given great contribution for spreading corruption in this country should be honored by these awards. Not only this, you should also declare corruption as a national trade of country. This would prove to be of immense help for the growth of corruption since because of this corrupt people can get tax rebates on money earned through corrupt practices. We can also think about establishing Special Corruption Zones where only black money can be invested for setting up of industries. This way all the black money would literally get converted into white money and people and Supreme Court both will become happy.
Alike Indian Premier League we should also start Indian Corruption League in order to bring unrecognized talents in limelight. Till now M.P’s and ministers used to be unofficially sold and purchased by political parties but now we should hold official auction of M.P’s. later on we can also start trading politicians in stock exchange so that common man can also buy and sell politicians. This will also increase the prices of politicians many fold as we have increased the price of food products by starting commodity exchange.
In order to increase education facilities in the field of Corruption Government should start 50 new “Indian Institute of Corruption” in next 5 years. In these IIC’s Degrees like Bachelor of Corruption, Masters of Corruption and Doctorate of Corruption will be provided. Students of these universities will be given direct placement in Panchayats, Municipal and Metropolitan Corporations, State legislative assemblies and State Legislative Councils, Loksabha and Rajya sabha. We should also seek tie up of IIC’s with foreign nations so that our corrupt degree holders will be posted on the important places foreign nation also. This way India will become an international hub of corruption (as Pakistan has become international hub of Terrorism).
Although I don’t need to tell you about the importance of banking system in the growth of corruption, since you thou self maintain one dozen bank accounts in Swiss banks. Hence you should initiate some changes in banking system by which our banks should also keep the information of account holders confidential like Swiss banks so that we don’t need to go to Switzerland to deposit out money. You can justify this step by projecting it as your commitment to protect environment, since this will save lot of fuel which is presently wasted in the air journey of India to Switzerland.
For the welfare corrupt politicians every corrupt leader should be given 8 months time to destroy all the evidences and settle all the accounts as was given to (dis)honorable Suresh Kalmadi and every leader resigning because of Charges should be given decent farewell by some internationally renowned personality like Barak Obama. you should also make a rule that every scammer will have to compulsorily involve army, police, revenue, underworld, diplomats, bureaucrats etc. in the scam, so that we can follow the principle of reduction of inequalities in income and equal distribution of resources as per the guidelines laid down in the "Directive Principle of State Policy in the Indian Constitution”.
Finally Madam/ Sir as our Father of nation dear Bapu used Pledge, patriotic songs and crispy slogans to encourage people to work and sacrifice for the sake of nation, we should also use these means for the growth of corruption. Hence I request you to change the Pledge printed in the text books of School curriculum like this “ India is my country, all corrupts are my brothers and sisters, corruption is my occupation, Swiss bank is my destination…………... You should also declare Na izzat ki chinta, na fikar karo iman ki jay bolo baiman ki, jay bolo" as our new them song and also give slogan of “Nirlajja sada sukhi” to this country as your Grandfather gave slogan of ****** ***** to this country, so that people can indulge in corrupt practices without any shame (if it is left).
Madam/ Sir I am obliged that you read my letter with patient and I hope you will do whatever is needful to increase corruption in this country.
A Corrupt party worker